FUCK THE GRAND SCHEME.

CLEARLY I NEED TO JUST ACCEPT THAT I’M FUCKING STUPID AND NEED TO STOP TAKING EXAMS.

FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK.

 

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I want to hold your hand

Between facebook, twitter, instagram, and tinder, I lose my thoughts pretty quickly. The millions of things running through my mind disappear and reappear without expression from my messy brain.

So basically I forget/just don’t feel like blogging on here too unless I’ve got some serious shit on my mind that I have’t gotten out through other social media. Or unless I am procrastinating like crazy, aka right now.

Also, Tinder is hilarious, stupid, yet super fun.

Coworkers can make or break your life.

Boys suck- only the douches ask you out.

I think I’m set on being alone. I can do the drunk make outs or whatever if they happen- but that’s it.

I officially hate teams/group projects/working with other people who need to get things done.

And I need to change the internal dialogue going on in my head 24/7. It’s pretty much me telling me that I :suck, am stupid, am worthless, and friendless, am always wrong, fucking up everything, ugly and fat,need to go kill myself, etc etc. I could continue but I don’t want to depress you too much. The other half of my brain has to constantly fight that voice, in addition to continue whatever task I am currently doing.

Fun times, man. I think that’s called anxiety, or depression, or some form. I should probably get it fixed….. oh well.

 

Back to hopefully finishing my presentations so I can sleep at a normal time today and not be exhausted during my entire fucking long day of classes tomorrow….. probably not going to happen.

Intimacy vs. Isolation stage on full blast. JEAHHHH early twenties developmental stages. 

 

Also, drinking beer (EXPENSIVE fucking beer) for dinner is not a good idea. Especially when I have work the next morning. I could have spent $35 on a legitimate nice meal or something. #fuckit #worthit

#collegeprobs

Also I hate PMS. and the emotional weirdo I turn into about 9 days a fuckin’ month. It’s literally like someone takes over my hormones and I have to constantly fight them to take it back. And if I forget for even a second that they’re still pulling, I get lost in a world of crazy.

Hate me or love me, I’m honest (at least on here…)

Also I feel bad for the UMD DG girl Rebecca and her email. She maybe could have been less rude, but really though. Someone needs to put people in their place sometimes, and she certainly did it. Mad props to her cahones (cojones?) and ability to get shit done. 

alright, time to get my own shit done. #leggo

 

 

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4 Things To Consider Before Deleting Your Facebook Profile

Very true. All things I’m currently doing since I’ve now not had a facebook for almost TWO MONTHS. Holy shit.

Thought Catalog

Leaving Facebook feels like what I imagine divorce following years of loveless marriage might feels like. What used to be a fulfilling, constructive, and positive relationship became stale and alienating, and refused to let me go.

Facebook behaves like an addiction in the sense that, the longer you use it, the more of your personal capital you invest into it. It retains a monopoly of your contacts, photos, events, etc. Leaving it creates withdrawal not for Facebook itself, but for the aspects social life it facilitated, and made impossible without it, betting that users will always return just because of the sheer immensity of their existence that is contained within its servers.

I do sometimes entertain these dystopian, conspiratorial theories about Facebook, concerns over the degree to which private information is stored, shared, and utilized for profit, but this was not a move of principle on my part. Bored, resentful…

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21 Things To Look For In A Boyfriend

Hmm, I agree. Now where do I find me one of these creatures?

Thought Catalog

1. Regardless of his height, he is comfortable with the way he looks around you. You don’t have to date a guy who is taller than most, but he can’t be someone who is threatened to be seen with you.

2. He genuinely makes you laugh (because he is funny, not because you think he is attractive and want to flatter him), and not a self-conscious little giggle, either. He makes you belly laugh and choke on your own laughter and tear up with laughter and laugh so hard you think you’re going to pee yourself.

3. He loves your laugh, even your “ugly” laugh.

4. He remembers little things about you, even things that other people might consider unimportant or too minor. He knows what your favorite dish at the Thai place is. He knows what movie you two watched on your first date. He knows the blanket you…

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Heart attack

I feel depressed. Down. Sad worthless alone worthless lazy ashamed weak useless.

I don’t want to move. To do anything. I don’t want to be here.

I think I’m just having a bad day.

But I don’t think this is normal.

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How do I put this Gently?

How do I sell myself to grad schools when I don’t even believe in myself?

Man I need to get my ducks in a row. Things are all out of wack. Mentally, physically, emotionally, socially and everything in between.

On a side note, I’m really losing faith in people. I completely worked on a group project BY MYSELF because no one did anything. & then one girl edited it last minute after I bitched everyone out via email (I stayed up till 4:00 in the fucking morning to finish this shit- research and 5 pages).

& she has the balls to say she did it too. Now I don’t know whether to concede or not. I was pissed as fuck about the whole thing, and she did edit a little bit and changed the source formatting- but honestly I wrote the damn thing, looked up the sources, INCLUDED the sources, edited it, and whatever whatever. She just changed the format and edited a tiny bit. Being a good team member, I don’t know whether I should take the credit. It is 100% my work, but I feel bad not giving her any credit… but she doesn’t deserve the amount she’s taking either.

What an unnecessary dilemma. I feel guilty not including her but it’s my fucking work. whatever. I shouldn’t have to feel this bad, I did the damn thing.

And I did great on it too- got one the the highest grades (That is two times in that class now, bitch deal with it). The other slackers of the group are earning my grades too, so they fucking better be thankful.

ugh.

On a side note, it is absolutely BEAUTIFUL outside. The trees are blooming, flowers are out, it’s perfect temperature.

Nature and all it’s wonders- I love it.

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Ole Ole, Ole Ole

feelin’ hot hot hot.

SITTING IN NOTHING BUT UNDERWEAR AND STILL SWEATING. 

 I pay almost $800/month for rent and they can’t even turn the AC on when it’s 90 deg. outside?!?!?!?!??!

#firstworldproblems. 

Love the weather outside, just not inside. 

Ok I’ll stop complaining now, it has been GORGEOUS outside. I’m thankful for that. 

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