So i learned some new information about my ex last night. That was, weird, awkward, i dont even know. While I dont care about him anymore, and still wanted to stay friends, I think this new information just totally changed that.
Let me just start off by saying, wow, I am a terrible judge of character, whether it is for friends, boyfriends, or just poeple in general. Because while I thought Bryndon was an okay guy (and no, i never once thought he was great, and yes I knew of his many many many flaws which I looked past) Mel and sara hated him and I should have listened. But anyways, found out last night he lied about some pretty major “firsts” and had me to this day thinking he had never done anything. like, just wow, and really its all so gross. Right from the get-go, and he kept up with all of his lies, for…. well going on FIVE YEARS since he just now told. Incredible. Ridiculous. That’s a person with some great morals.
ugh, and then on top on this all, i was just thinking the other day about how he was relationship wise, (just in comparison to others) and how he said hope this one goes well for me. but like, woah, gross, gtfo. i don’t even know. I dont care about him in this context, but I do care how stupid it makes me look, and at least now I can learn from my mistakes and be less naive about guys (sex, that’s all they want. all of them).
On another front, I need to figure out what the hell I want from current dating other whose name on here will be Sam. He makes me happy as in I enjoy being with him, but it’s nothing overly special. it’s just fun, in a …. seemingly friendly way. But you don’t talk to you friends this much, or hang out with them this much, etc etc. They also don’t listen to you the same way, rant about things, etc. But anyways, I’m not sure what I think. But he’s mentioned a lot of things very long term. Like, Months ahead. That… scares me a lot, surprisingly. And that’s not exactly a good sign. Shit, that’s a really really bad sign. I don’t want to lead him on, but I’m also enjoying all of this. Fuck. How do I always put myself into such compromising positions?
Boys, they make you happy, and they also ridiculously fuck up your life. On another side note, but slightly related. Ive been thinking more lately how I might actually want to marry a brown guy, because you know, it all just works out nicer. which is totally opposite to my past opinions, and weird as fuck. but that would require dating brown guys, and I’m just not ready for that yet. who knows.
I need to figure out my life, man. But I guess, what’s the rush? All in good time. (We hope).