Normally, writing makes me feel better. but this does not. but anyways in a ridiculously bad mood right now. I had way too much food for dinner, and usually just try to make my dad happy when my parents came to dinner but chris my sisters boyfriend came to dinner with us and it was lame. annoys me.
I feel terrible from lacrosse becuase i didnt play it was gross im never going to see half of them again i wasted my day whatever. (we lost, 8-9 against UVA for MAWLL championships).
I dont know what to do about sam and my ex, becuase i feel like im never going to feel for another person like i did my first one, and it scares the hell out of me. Im still mad at said ex for his lameness way way too many years ago, and it doesnt matter at all and he just texted me and it still bothers me. but im also in a shitty fucking mood so that doesnt help.
Sam’s at his grandpa’s funeral and things are better since we talked but i havent seen him since then and i want to know what its like in person. also he’s not in a happy mood and there’s absolutely nothing i can do to cheer him up and that pisses me the fuck off.
My dad, mom, sister and boss all keep tellling me ive lost weight and look skinnier. Im pretty sure i havent lost a pound in the last few weeks/ months, and I still feel fat as fuck. I need to lose another 10lbs or so, and it shows. Looked at pictures of myself today…. there is a huge huge difference between being small and being skinny, trust me. I’m a very small person, but I am far away from being skinny.
and why the fuck does it matter if i lose weight anyways? i’m happy with my body no matter what fucking size i am, and i was happy before. Didnt think i was fat at all, so why the fuck does this “skinny” make any fucking difference?
and f fucking y i, I still wear the same pant size and my shirts fit the same, so no, i am literally no smaller than i was before, even if i do look different,. (which i Dont).