Maryland Day

It’s maryland day. & i havent gone outside yet. kinda upset that i havent gone to anything. but i dont want to eithe rbecuase i need to study.


anything for some weird reason really just annoyed at everything and im not sure why- especially Sam and I’m not sure why. I also really want to see him, But i dont think i will, at least until tomorrow. and he;s going to this cool bar tonight for his birthday and i said i couldnt go becuase ihave to fucking study physics and mammphys. what the hell is wrong with me and why arent I going? I should have been studying now but I;m not. and then im volunteering later, fuck me.

why do i do this to myself? 

I hope i actyally get work done tonight, becuase im missing a lot for it.  ONE MORE FUCKING WEEK. until im gonna take a break, and then back to finals, and then junior year will be over. bittersweet. but in the mean time i need to focus and do well. and that is not happening right now.

I wish sam wasnt on my mind. I’m not sure what to think. so back and forth about it all. its weird as fuck.

me being insecure, but get the vibe he doesnt want to be around me ( not true, but i tend to make things up in my head a lot) mostly because i havent seen him in a few days.


also in a bad mood because of my roommates, becase all 3 of them were hanging out yesterday, and i awkwardly passed them multiple times and stayed in my room. Gina also flat out ignored me in the hallway, that was odd.

Guess they heard my way to loud fucking voice with Sam, I really need to learn how to keep it down. Im sure NO ONE enjoyed that, oops. Except for maybe Sam and I….

But that makes me think Sam wont want me anywhere near his apartment, because why would he want his friends/roommates to hear that going on? ugh, what a fucking dillema. 

I feel useless and shitty and stupid and guilty and anxious and stressed and overall like a general failure. I dont like it. And i dont want to fail physics or mammphys but i cant bring myself to study. this is a huge problem.


I want to do welllll 😦 (: 😦 i even fucking took off of work thursday AND tuesday. FUCK ME. and all ive done is sleep or procrastinate. OK well back to physics hw, volunteering, and then more physics hw and MAMMPHYS.





About lionking

Ranting about the ups and mostly downs of my life. If you like pessimism and the occasional drunken adventure this is the place for you. I'll try to be more open/clear about my (sometimes nonexistant) dating life. let's see how this goes. Also, this is for sure adult content, so there's your warning.
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