blahhhh (yes i Know, I’m not using my words)…. ” want you back” but thats never going to happen

I seriously seriously need to get over him. No more mention of him, no thoughts, nothing. I’m actually glad school is going to start and he’s going to florida for 6 weeks. I won’t see him i wont talk to him life will be alright. I just dont understand why after this whole summer he’s still on my mind. I still want to date him, still like him, it makes NO SENSE. none at all. and he has absolutely no intertet in me, in fact, im pretty sure he hates me. Ive joined the ranks of his sisters’ friends who he does not like at all.

apparently i’m manic and act like im mad at him. and what the fuck is up with him and his roommate and girls? jeezus they have to like the same girls at the same time, and when one is flirting with someone, they both do. and when they move on, they both move on. I don’t even think they realize it but man is it fucking annoying. I didnt realize how much i talked to one when i was talking to the other. I didnt realize that he never even talked to me until he found out the other made out with me. fuck it why do i even care??? why can’t i fucking let this go? it’s way over due.

and now, of all things, i went to go see my friend from high school/ college because he’s fun and cool and whatever, i hadnt seen him all summer. well he and I happened to make out, again…..

and i had fun, but then at the end of the night… he said he wanted to try this. Not a once in a while or late night hookup, he wants to try dating. and he complimented me, a lot. granted this was all while he wanted to sleep with me, but still…… and at one point i really liked him, and i could have made it work. but right now im just still not over the other one (and yes i fucking should be, ctfo) but i’m not.  and i dont fucking want to led him on, but i want to try it. Allison’s comment one time i was with the new guy all night (we  hun out, and stayed up all night in my room just talking. it was amazing fun) but this was… months ago, even almost close to a year ago? i dont remember exactly. but allison said i sounded happy, really happy. and other people have an uncanny ability to read me like a book, her included. the only difference was then i had no ties to anyone, and i so happy and excited to date and be with different guys and just have fun. I’m not at that place again yet. I still feel, hurt. Even though i shouldnt. He did nothing to me. I was the dick in that few months of dating.

ugh. when one door closes, another opens, right? but right now i just wont know if i’m up to walk through it. yeah yeah all these cliches are cheesy as  hell, and bad writing too, but eh. no one’s reading this anyways.

today’s his birthday, i should have gone with him to the bars to help him celebrate, but he didnt really invite me. Was he just drunk when he said he wanted to hang out again, for real?

i dont even know him like that. I can’t imagine him being the “dating” type. and when dating comes up so do  all of my insecurities. i don’t feel like im good enough, etc etc. i guess all of this is normal, kind of, for girls or whatever. but still.

i just don’t know.

and hearing from the old guy, who i suppose is now my ex., still makes me happy/makes me that happy nervous liking feeling. and i havent felt that with new guy yet. but then again it took a while with new guy.

and i’m not giving him a chance, i know it. i read through my old texts with ex and his roommate and theyre so happy and flirty. i havent been giving new guy that chance. im just not excited to talk to him right now.


but i guess only time will tell. ive got the whole school year….


About lionking

Ranting about the ups and mostly downs of my life. If you like pessimism and the occasional drunken adventure this is the place for you. I'll try to be more open/clear about my (sometimes nonexistant) dating life. let's see how this goes. Also, this is for sure adult content, so there's your warning.
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