I feel like a mess. Lost, out of place, and a huge failure. I’m overly emotional, I feel like I want to cry all the time and I have no one to talk to. Something is missing from my life.

In reality, I think I’m just overly stressed out about my mcat coming up. My scores are way too low for what they need to be. And I’m clearly not studying correctly. 7-8 hours a day just isn’t enough. I didn’t even know today was Saturday. I don’t know how to get rid of this stress but I know it’s only making things worse.

On top of it all, A and S are mad because they think I drank their alcohol at some club. I did because they gave it to me. Sometimes, I just don’t know what to say to him…

But then there’s the whole blacking out thing, and New Years. God, why am I such a fucking failure and mess. At almost 22 years old, I should be able to control my alcohol, but i still can’t. I turn into a slutty stupid jealous moody bitch depending on the situation. No guy wants to date a whore, it’s no wonder I can’t get a guy.
Then there’s work and volunteering, and on top of that grad school and just the fucking future.

I’m scared shitless, enough that I can’t get my ass to get up and something about it all. That’s all I need to do, and I’m having trouble with it.

What a fucking mess.

In reality, I should be thankful. Yeah I’m being a little dramatic, but I’m worried about my mcat and my future, sue me motherfucker. Not everyone is smart and has their life all set out for them.

I was very happy last semester. I wasn’t content with my grades, but for the first time I was truly happy in college. And now it’s gone to shit. Again.

Depression? Anxiety? I don’t know. I’ve been experiencing it in some form or the other for about ten years now. I deal with it. I’m not gonna kill myself over it. But it still just sucks.

Okay. Sleep, and studying. What else.
Maybe I’ll feel better tomorrow… Hey, a girl can dream, right?


About lionking

Ranting about the ups and mostly downs of my life. If you like pessimism and the occasional drunken adventure this is the place for you. I'll try to be more open/clear about my (sometimes nonexistant) dating life. let's see how this goes. Also, this is for sure adult content, so there's your warning.
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