Jeez I’m like bipolar about this man. I’m trying really hard to pretend he doesn’t want to see me or doesn’t want me and has other priorities but in reality I’m SO FUCKING EXCITED. I DON’T WANT TO WAIT ANOTHER SECOND to hang out with him in person.
We should probably talk and communicate what the fuck is going on, but we have yet to do that and I currently don’t care. Fuck me first, and we can talk later. or never. Setting myself up to get even more hurt this way. I know.
He’s been here a couple days, we might hang out this weekend, but he’s busy unpacking and studying and getting ready for his rotations that start Monday. I really hope we hang. I’ll be all of 5 minutes away from him on Friday. Idk what’s going to happen, if anything.
But it feels like the anticipation is killing me. Why do I fall for guys like this?
I don’t know what he thinks but I’m positive it’s not the same as me. He won’t even give me his number. Unhealthy? You bet your ass it is, and I know it.
He’s the one who said FWB was wrong and he wasn’t okay with doing it way back in September. But apparently not wrong enough to stop him.
2000 miles away, off of the island, 2 months later. If anyone told me this was going to happen, I would have laughed in their face. Not what I want, long term, but who’s kidding who if you think I’m not ecstatic about this right now.
I know, he’ll disappoint me later this week and tell me he’s too busy to hang right now but maybe next week. Or maybe never.
Another distraction, another disappointment to deal with. But right now, I just want him to meet me in the middle, without the middle finger to my heart.